Login Here
Don't tell Jane -- but I've found her Christmas present, thanks to Al Kamen's In The Loop column in the WaPo.
Got just the thing: It's a 12-inch "Rummy" doll that looks vaguely like him and features bits of his historic news conferences that you can play just by pressing a little button on the back of his coat.
Yes, you can listen to 28 of former defense secretary Donald H. Rumsfeld's greatest displays of impeccable logic:
-- "What they do with themselves is up to them, and what the people around them do with them is up to the people around them."
And there are the classics:
-- "There are known knowns, there are things we know that we know. There are known unknowns, that is to say there are things that we now know we don't know. But there are also unknown unknowns, there are things we do not know we don't know, and each year we discover a few more of those unknown unknowns."
-- "We have a saying in America: If you're in a hole, stop digging. . . . I'm not sure I should have said that."
The company who makes the Rummy doll also makes a lovely Preznit Give Me Turkee -- so I can check Atrios' present off as well. Woo hoo! And then I started thinking, what other options ought there be out there for stocking stuffers? Here are a few proposals for other presents:
-- The Dick Cheney World Domination Secret Decoder Ring. (Stock Option Enhancement Perpetual Conflict Pack, sold seperately.)
-- The Condi Rice Leather Knee Boot Ensemble. Comes with extra gelt for an impromptu shopping excursion during national disasters.
-- The Rush Limbaugh combination pill and kool-aid dispenser. Never be without on leisure travel!
-- The David Addington Inconvenient Laws Unilateral Shredder -- in new, improved Constitutional strength.
-- The Colin Powell muffler. (Truth behind the UN speech arguments, behind-the-scenes honesty segments, and Dick Cheney strangleholds not included.)
-- The Libby and Rove Stacked Deck, Presidential pardon edition.
-- K Street House Of Cards from DeLay, Inc. Abramoff Casino Industries Scanlon Scams Ney Pocketliners Reed Missionaries Ralston Go-Betweens Now manufactured by Grover Norquist Smarm Merchant Industries, a wholly owned subsidiary of Republican Party Racketeering, Inc. Check out our Turdblossom Specials for a Primary season near you!
-- The Bill O'Reilly Falafaloofa Oom Pah Greatest hits album. Act now, and get bonus Moaning In The Shower one-track-mind absolutely free. (No spin option not included.)
Any other ideas? Do share...
(Photo of the Rummy Talking Action Figure via TalkingPresidents.com. Too funny!)
Share This 
Spotlight
I’m of two minds:
A. Organize a boycott of these… as dangerous for children.
B. Buy up all of them… and plan for some kind of communal bonfire.
zed?
The phone in that picture of Bush calling Iraq is fake.
Funny!
Ahh, a snarkilicious Black Friday linkfest from Christy!
I’m just gonna digg in!
This was the most fun I’ve had writing a post in ages. hehehehehe Can’t wait to see what everyone else comes up with as possibilities…
No doubt made in China.
And, probably laced with depleted uranium rather than lead.
Morning Christy!
This is hilarious!
The Dennis Prager Greatest Hits Traditional Christmas Album CD.
BobbyG at 10 — I was just thinking “The Larry Craig Toe-Tapping Christmas Special” original cast album. Coupon for free Charmin with every album sold.
Why am I afraid to look at all those potentially hilarious links?
Ed*ard Teller @ 12
after Thanksgiving dinner yesterday and leftovers today, you’re afraid you’ll bust a gut?
ET at 12 — That’s the thing. They are straight news and/or informational blog posts. Every bit of snark in this post is backed up by reality. I thought that was the funniest part of the whole thing. (In a morbid hell in a handbasket sort of way…)
All of the above deeply discounted by W*l-Mart and made in China with lead paint.
A scooter Libby with square wheels.
Warrantless, Wirelesstapping reporting kit:
http://www.foxnews.com/story/0,2933,295005,00.html
BobbyG @ 10
Dammit, shoulda waited a year … I got Dennis Prager & Deepak Chopra’s Christmas 2006 Album … *g*
How about the Senator Inhofe Global Warming is a Hoax Doll available at the everyday low price of the planet itself.
They used to sell the G.I. Joe with the Kung-Fu Grip. I can’t wait for the Origami Rummy doll:
http://www.truthdig.com/avboot.....mys_hands/
- Tom
How about Rudy and Judy cross dressing dolls?
Or Maybe Mrs and Mrs Chao-McConnell two faced labor and bidness bots?
Well, I just got inspiration for a new quasi-political design featuring my collie. (It vaguely references Bush.)
Too funny.
You are in a good mood today.
But I have to ask, what is Cranberry SALAD?
Oh, if anyone sees Cassie tell her my niece’s class made the same cranberry relish (recipe off the back of the package) and sent some home with each of the kids.
And it was really good!
TomR @ 20
The Senator Larry Craig Wide-Stance doll that comes with its own toilet stall!
How about the new group “The Thought Police” featuring Jane Harman and Joe Lieberman.
link
The David and Wendy Vitter doll set, David with diapers (extra) and Wendy wielding the bobbitizer?
Christy Hardin Smith @ 14
I blew it - in more ways than one. I looked at some of your links.
You outdid yourself, ma’am. I’ll have the pumpkin pie and whipped cream cleaned off the keyboard, screen and kitchen counter any minute now…
looseheadprop @ 23
I think I may make some for Christmas this year. But next time you or your LittleProp (edit: sorry, niece) make this, core and slice an apple or two (including skin - just like with the orange) and add to the relish.
Christy Hardin Smith @ 11
LOL!!
Y’now, after 9/11 I put together mock toilet paper package cover graphics: “OsamaSoft Taliban Tissue” and “SaddamaSoft Ba’ath Tissue.” Shoulda gone all the way, other cats did the same type of thing and marketed it. But, I didn’t. Just printed ‘em out and wrapped ‘em around actual toilet paper rolls and displayed ‘em in the guest bathroom.
Michelle Malkin doll in the cheerleading outfit with a pullout string so she can say, War War War!
But does the Rumsfeld doll include the ability to do his trademark “1000 styles of Rumsfeld?”
How about the Joke Klein Thanksgiving Pinata … that Turkey is getting the stuffing knocked out of him but good … Link
LHP — It’s one of those legacy recipes that my granny started making in the 1950s. Jell-o (I use raspberry.), cranberries and orange chopped fine in the food processor, some walnut pieces, a little sugar — all mixed together and then gelled. You use a bit less water than the package asks you to use and…voila! It’s one of those incredibly refreshing sorts of sides dishes that I’ve eaten my whole life for holidays and it isn’t Thanksgiving without it. And it reminds me of my granny — we lost her a little over four years ago now.
LHP, my uncle makes a cranberry sause with horseradish. Sounds horrible, but tastes pretty good!
Here’s a holiday season recipe: roast chestnut soup.
Chatty Sara Doll:
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v.....re=related
The Mitt Romney action figure, which is able to face both left and right simultaneously.
The Tom Tancredo action figure, which is programed to run from any action figures darker than it.
The Fred Thompson action figure, which comes with night light, pillow and lullabye music.
The Rudy action figure, which comes with a Superman outfit with 9/11 emblazoned on the front instead of an “S.” It’s programed to climb on top of all the action figures and take credit for their work.
And of course, the one that will get me in trouble: the Dennis Kucinich action figure, which is just a smurf figurine with a MUFON t-shirt.
Chatty Monica Doll, singing “I crossed the Line”..
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=tylZj8dOOIE
JulieWaters @ 37
lol
Here’s my gift suggestion: custom neckbrace for wingnuts with whiplash from cheering the ever-changing politics of “promoting democracy” abroad. It doubles as a dog collar for those spells of sadomasochism.
Nailed it girl. Love the workings of your mind!
How about a Jeb Bush doll as a trooper, preventing a Florida African-
American from voting?He was a C-Span today issuing platitudes about how democracy should be spread around the world and
none of his debators nor the moderator, Charlie Rose, reminded
him of his Florida actions.
OT, wow.
BUENOS AIRES, Argentina — A Canadian cruise ship struck submerged ice off Antarctica and began taking on water, but all 154 passengers and crew took to lifeboats and were rescued safely Friday by a passing Norwegian liner, officials said.
On calm seas, the Explorer passengers and crew were safely moved from rubber boats in subfreezing temperatures to the Nordnorge, a Norwegian cruise ship that was nearby and responded to the distress call, said Susan Hayes of G.A.P. Adventures of Toronto, which owns the stricken vessel.
You get an empty box when you buy the doll of bush as a national guard pilot.
I just thought of two some more:
Republican Senator action figure: designed to bend at the knees whenever the Bush action figure is present.
Democratic Senator action figure, complete with removable testicles. Voicebox patterns include “but we need 60 votes to accomplish anything!”
TheraP at 44 — HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHA
JulieWaters @ 45
Democratic Senate action figure: ball-less crotch.
“But the bad is that quantum theory says that whenever we observe or measure something, we could stop it decaying due what is what is called the “quantum Zeno effect,” which suggests that if an “observer” makes repeated, quick observations of a microscopic object undergoing change, the object can stop changing - just as a watched kettle never boils.”
So….should we keep a watchful eye on Bushco or ignore them???!!!
http://www.telegraph.co.uk/ear.....tviewedbox
TheraP @ 44
you mean he took a little white powder?
Christie @ 46:
Mind you, that is a collector’s item!
Ishmael Reed @ 42
Yep. And there was a certain sickness behind having Rove and Max Cleland in the same spot.
Needed: a toy water boarding setup to torture the bejeezus out of that Rummy doll.
How about a scavenger hunt type gift, where you don’t really know what you’re buying. All you end up with, though, is an empty box.
Elliott @ 49
Not sure…. but “gone missing…”
Alvord @ 52
Ha!
LS @ 48
On principle once I put cold water into a pan and stood there and watched it come to a boil. Hey we know how to have fun.
brendan @ 47
Warning: Spine must be purchased separately. This doll does not come with a spine included.
I think a Marcy Wheeler Kickass Action Figure Doll with a rugby ball accessory would be good.
The Rudy Guiliani doll with push-button speech that says only “9-11″ over and over;
a Guantanamo Bay Resort kit for the backyard, chicken wire included.
Is there a whole set? Can you get a Charles Swift action figure, a whole set, and play War Crimes Tribunal?
Maybe someone could create a web based computer game.
brendan @ 47
Scrotum Quorum TM
…a Scottish Hagiss
Get the all new Alberto G doll. It runs around, sticking fingers in every pie it can find. When challenged about misbehaviour, it shrieks, “I can’t remember doing that!” or “I was there because I represent someone else” or “Of course, that’s legal”
I like the tie choice for Rumsfeld.
I’m wondering if you could call a bill of particulars for impeachment a Congressional Inaction figure?
Dick Cheney dark side doll. Half white/half black.
The Dick Cheney action doll.
Pull the string and it tells the kid to go f*ck itself then mysteriously disappears to hide under the bed.
Laura the Librarian reading My Pet Goat. (Picture of W on the outside)
For the evangelicals on your list, how about a case of lead-coated wooden crosses made in China by slaves who have just had a few minor organs removed for transplantation to billionaires?
AZ Matt @ 58
ooo I like this one especially
Mr. ReddHedd suggest the self-actuating Newt Gingrich doll. Automatically leaves you if you are stricken with a terminal illness. HAHAHAHAHAHA
AZ AZ Matt @ 58
Hi Matt! I’d buy one of those.
PS Daddy brain sez Hi.
Or the Patrick Fitzgerald action doll, pull the thread and it yells ‘Madness, Madness, Madness’ and then subpoenas all the other dolls.
Mitt Romney racing doll which turns 180 degrees each time it finds an obstacle.
For the Man of the House only: a pad of blank signing statements to be filled out any way he wants making it OK to break any vow he’s made.
Bustednuckles @ 72
lol
Harry and Nancy Impeachment Inaction Dollhouse, complete with cleared table.
A Henry Waxman Action Gavel for beating the crap out of fools.
AZ Matt at 77 — Does that come with barking mad Issa and Burton accessories?
Bustednuckles @ 72
Or a TRex stuffed animal yelling Attack, ATTACK, ATTTACKKKKKKKKKKK!
Christy Hardin Smith @ 78
lmao!
The Ashcroft doll who yells “cover the boob” and pitches a blanket over the Alberto G doll.
The ‘bigger-than-life’-size Junior Preznit ‘tough talkin’-no action’ figure, replete with easy pullstring, real jerking knees, and failed ideological accessories (including a government-sized bathtub) is one of our biggest sellers during the holiday season.
Oh, you’ve already got yours
;>)
The Valerie Plame doll, complete with AK-47, phony passports and overnight bag full of spy equipment.
Chris Matthews Doll
pull string and it says random non-sequitors; “So, 2 plus 2 is seven, HaH, just like Humbprey Bogart in African Queen.”
“Hah, Clinton panders, I love it, you gorgeous laura; like Tip used to say, stained dress.”
and others.
If water added, doll foams, spits, eyes move up and down to check out any doll sitting opposite.
Aw, jeeze, guys..I already finished my holiday shopping at Barnes and Noble - I just got $4.95 copies of the Constitution (Declaration of Independence included). I plan to give them out with cards that read, “Commit to memory; you never know when owning a copy of this may become illegal.”
I’ll have to lurk a long time after this one.
How about the Suzanne “Super Mod” doll with tiny handcuffs and lightning fast Hands on Hips action.
bluejeansntshirt @ 86
That can actually dive the dives!
OT. Funny thing (not so much) happened today re. MSM. I have Google News as my internet portal just so it forces me to see what MSM is saying on a regular basis. Just now Google News has prominently placed David Brooks’ NYT puff piece on Rudy (mr. Idealism) in the top left position (http://news.google.com/news?ned=us). This is the first time I recall seeing the NYT pushing one of its op ed columnists in this way - and of course it is right wing bonzo Brooks pushing looney Rudy.
bluejeansntshirt @ 86
Don’t forget the laser stare set to stun!
Christy Hardin Smith @ 78
You have to bribe those separately.
Oh please, please, can I get the Romney Winnebago AND station wagon, Please?
Boston1775 @ 91
Plus the cartop dog carrier!
AZ Matt @ 90
707!
An Iraq pacification board game. Comes with 50 tribal leaders, and three hundred billion imitation dollars.
AZ Matt @ 92
apparently you don’t have to pay for that
itwasntme @ 94
RISQ - the exciting new geopolitical game. diplomacy not included.
A Chess Board.
Black and White.
Good vs. Evil. Leaded vs. Unleaded.
Imagine the faces on the pieces.
Can you?
From Malkinz, the Dyno-Bony Beer Bong, for busy pundits with no time for facts and less time for logic…Why waste precious moments eating breakfast when you can smoke it instead?
Your fundie friends will be tempted by its lifelike appearance into thinking its from one just like Great-Great-Grampy used to ride to the old schoolcave.
;>)
demi @ 97
the black pieces have a well oiled finish
If there is someone on your list you really don’t like then the Collect Works of Bill O’Rielly.
itwasntme @ 94
too bad there’s three hundred billion real dollars blowing in the wind over there
Big Tent with protruding tapping toe
New Thread;
http://www.firedoglake.com/200.....n/#respond
Christy Hardin Smith @ 78
And a Chris Shays fine whine.
Blue Texan enlightens us on David Brooks in the new thread:
David Brooks Surprised That Rudy Is Acting Like a Republican
dakine01 @ 104
aHaHaHaHa!
dakine — That should have come with a spew warning…
Kate O’Beirne Doll: You open the box and find a piece of sandpaper.
Made in China: The “You’re Doin’ A Heckuva Job Nancy Nord” doll. Complete with plane tickets and other “perks” and a pile of lead laden crap from China that says “overlook and stock”.
Jackilope @ 109
then we can’t leave out the cross promotion with Nabisco and the Lorita “there were cookies” Doan doll
I’ve got just a trove for good little tykes:
FISA. all the tools you need to tap that liberal kids phone!
Abu Garaib. A set of live action figures complete with electro genital torture clamps! Includes two r****** dolls and recording of screams superimposed on The Battle Hymn of the Republic.
Guantanamo! The board game for those rainy afternoons. Dial up Rush and remember -no get out of of jail free cards in this one, Omar!
Just a few of the items here at the Spirit of Conservative Christmas toys, for your little right-wing darling.
[Mod note: We do not use or accept slurs of this type. Thank You.]
pma @ 73
Mitt Romney hood ornament. Squirts feces at highway speed.
brendan @ 112
It’s hard to beat the ones above.
How about a Giuliani doll with a head that spins 360 at the mention of ferrets and firefighters.
Hood ornaments like the nodding chihuaha, in the shape of Tom Delay. He nods and waves to cars passing by. Hot tub not included.
Pee wee herman dolls reissued as Rickie Santorum dolls.
How about an Ann Coulter doll - complete with oversized Adam’s apple - where, as you peel away the layers, you find Michael Chertoff?
Wow!
A new dildo out just in time for the holidays.
Hurry boys and girls, it may not last.